Friday, February 1, 2013

Even Thorn Bushes Have Roses

Boy has it been awhile since I've been on this bad boy! Between my academic graduate courses, clinic hours, meetings, and training, I haven't had much time for the extras. I've still managed to squeeze in a lot of fun into the last twelve days. Yes you read that right, it has been twelve days since I last blogged!!! 

Clearly I won't be able to fill you in on every moment.

I know - you are soooo disappointed.

But here are some highlights: 

1. I've independently conducted FOUR therapy sessions

2. Logged 131 more miles on the bike

{including my first 50 mile ride!}

3. Lost 5 pounds and 4.5 inches! 

4. Dressed as a pirate on three separate occasions

5. Took a spill running 

6. Won a sparkle headband from Sparkly Soul

7. Got a shirt from Charity Miles  

9. Went to my first Gasparilla! 

10. Celebrated a friend's birthday. On the beach. In January. 

That all adds up to a lot of excitement! The past 12 days have been filled with some really cool firsts; first clients, first 50 mile bike ride, first hug from a client, first Gasparilla... I have worked really hard the past 12 days. Somehow on top of all of that I managed to keep eating clean and to lose some weight/inches. 
Unfortunately, I have to admit I did more than my fair share of complaining. Just today I was in Jet City and I caught myself saying some really negative things! No one forces me to train. No one forced me to go to graduate school. No one forced me to move to Florida. I chose each and every one of these things, and I need to own these choices more.

That doesn't mean I love every second. Yes, graduate school is tough. And draining. I never know what I am doing and I always feel a bit like I am drowning. But so does everyone else. Training hurts. There's not much more to say. Being far from home is hard. But you know what, the day I graduate I will be beaming! And on March 17th, when I cross the finish line in Puerto Rico, I am sure tears of joy will be streaming down my face. All of the hard work, the tears, pain and sacrifices will be worth it on those days. When my clients reach their goals, when their quality of life improves and when they leave with a smile on their face, those days will make it all worth it. 


Yes, I have a long ways to go - but every day I get closer to my goals, I also move farther away from the girl I used to be. Which is kind of neat! 

Last night a friend brought some of this to my attention. She was trying to tell me that she was inspired by me, but could tell that I wasn't taking her seriously. It is hard to feel as though you might inspire others, when you don't inspire yourself. She asked me if I am proud of myself. My answer was so lackluster, she saw right through it and pounced. 

"You have to be proud of yourself," she said, "you are doing so many amazing things and doing them so well." 

I know that, but I don't always know it. Why is it so hard to be proud of yourself? I realized last night that being proud of myself and happy with myself is harder than anything else I put myself through. Which is terrible. I'm constantly afraid that people will start seeing me the way I see me, but if I change the way I see myself, then that ceases to be a fear. Instead, I'll be able to walk around with the hope that people see me the way I see me. 

I've been very focused on changing my exterior, when my interior still needs a tune up! It doesn't matter how much I weigh, or how many inches around various body parts are if I am not happy nor able to share that happiness with others. 

A new month, a new goal: NO COMPLAINING. 

At all. 


I'm afraid that people are starting to see me the way I see me, so instead of changing the way they see me, I need to change the way I see myself. As a coach of mine used to say, it's time for a PMA: Positive Mental Attitude. That's going to be my mantra this month: PMA! 

So life is still going to be hard, there will still be tears and frustration. But I'm not going to complain. I'm going to look for the parts that are going well, and praise myself for successes. I can't wait for validation or praise from others -- I'm going to start giving it to myself. 

xoxo Sweat&Sparkle 

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