Oh -- you've never heard that one? Well I'm thinking it needs to become a saying.
I recently stumbled across this quote:
"He who is not impatient is not in love." - Italian Proverb.
I am too in love with life to waste a single moment.
That being said sometimes when your best and your worst attributes are one and the same, it can be difficult know which side people see when they are first meeting you.
I feel like all I have learned over the last three and half weeks in Tampa (yes I haven't even been here for a full month!) is that I might be the least patient person in the world. This has been the source of my frustration and boredom the last few weeks. If I apply the above proverb, then my impatience with my graduate school program really stems from my love for the field and my eagerness to get started with the learning! I love learning about speech and language pathology and I am tired of waiting for the heavy lifting to start!
But as I talk to the people around me I can sense how much my impatience is a turn off. I am so eager to know the other girls in my program, to make friends and to have activities lined up for weekends. But now I fear that my zealousness is the very thing inhibiting my from establishing some of those connections. I have always been an intense and serious person, and even in my quest to find the joy I may be taking it too far. Joining things has not been a problem. I have officially joined the USF club swim team, the club triathlon team, Running for Brews and have a couple job interviews up my sleeves.
A girl in my program was asking me about Seattle today because she and her husband have been considering moving out there when she is done with school. It was exciting to talk about home, but as soon as she asked me about how I'm liking Tampa I felt myself steer the conversation in a direction I shouldn't. I could hear a voice screaming STOP STOP STOP, but I kept talking, talking, talking. I mean to be positive. I am having fun. But sometimes when I am meeting people I am disappointed when they don't immediately want to be my friend. I thought graduate school would mean insta-friends and that once people found out I had moved here all by myself from Seattle they would understand my loneliness. If I am being completely honest then a lot of my conversations have been influenced by my utter fear that this may have been the worst.decision.of.my.life. Yes I am that dramatic.
I know that that makes me sound crazy. And desperate.
When I am meeting people I don't want them to think I am negative or a complainer. I need to remember that we are all coming from different places and both want and need different things out of the community that we are forming. Since I am alone out here, the last three weeks have felt like an eternity; but for people who have families, friends, jobs and responsibilities I can imagine that the last three weeks felt like a whirlwind of activity.
So while I wait and give friendships the opportunity to develop I am going to try this:
I need to take a chill pill and try and keep my impatience and my crazy under control.
[Also I'm not sure how many more athletic clubs my body can stand joining.]
So to recap, for now I am going to:
Always choose to live my life with the joy of the front row rather than the solemness of the third row:
Rather than complain and reveal the ugly side of my impatience, I will choose to:
But when I get a little crazy hopefully people will realize that it is because:
And if none of that works I'll have to:
Ok, I think I've revealed enough character flaws for one night. Going to snuggle up with the best friend I have and hit the hay.