I have shed some major tears this week.
At times I easily succumb to the doubt and fear. I doubt my choice to come to Florida, and I fear that I do not want to become a speech pathologist. Each in turn cause more doubts and fears to surface.
It takes some time, but once I calm down I am able to look at things more clearly. I have been annoyed with the way some things were handled at school over the past few weeks. In reality it is good practice for future work situations, where supervisors, employers and institutions may not always be as supportive, structured or unbiased as I might like.
What stands out most for me is the gain in my pain. Ever second in graduate school is a learning opportunity. Even the stuff that isn't intentionally structured into our curriculum or clinical practicums. Interacting with supervisors and my peers has taught me more about what my future might look like than any textbook ever could. Some of those glimpses are awesome, but others frighten me. I need to remember my mantra - I am learning and sacrificing now so that I can be of service to others later. Every single client I ever help in the future will benefit from my struggles now. I learn best through trial and error. Unfortunately some of the trials and errors of the last few weeks have been painful. I'm not sure I'll remember every sucky moment two or three or four years from now. What I will remember are the firsts for my clients - first spontaneous words, first communicative acts, first successful phone calls, etc. I can't wait for those days.
Threw up a new quote today, gotta stay inspired to conquer all of my half-ironman training! After two weeks I've decided the schedule I was following isn't for me. It is hard to realize this isn't the same as me being weak or unable to handle it. This is me being a mature athlete. I need more structure and I need more direction. I am going to start a 16 week training program that offers just that! So for the nest two weeks before the official program begins I'm just going to keep rotating through the swimming, biking and running to get more comfortable at each before the real work begins.
You might notice I didn't mention crossfit...
Another hard decision, one that makes me feel like a quitter, but it is the smart decision. I didn't feel as though it was helping me very much. Rather, I felt like the whole thing was adding a lot of unnecessary stress. The box is over 20 miles away, and I found myself cutting runs and bike rides short in order to get to classes on time. I figured since I was paying I needed to go. Well biking is free. Running is free. I get access to the campus pool with my tuition (nothing in graduate school is free.) Plus each of those things directly helps me get better at triathlons.
I'm still going to lift, I'll probably even still set up crossfit style circuits and work outs for myself. But that's the great part -- I know so much now! I don't need to lift super heavy to get better at triathlons, I need to keep doing body weight stuff quickly and efficiently. I'll still use some weights. But keep the intention on quickly moving my body through space.
Even got myself a pull-up bar!! Gotta figure out these strict pull-ups. Every time I enter the bathroom, gotta do a pull-up. I only just installed it today and we are already in the double digits.
Mainly because it is really hard to take a picture of yourself doing a pull-up.
It is even harder to look cute doing it!!
How long until I look like her?!
To be fair she clearly has a professional photographer helping her out here.
Not only did I install the pull-up bar tonight, but I also did a little DIY.
You all probably didn't know this but I haven't had a desk chair since I moved in. Whoops. So I picked up a folding chair, got some fabric remnants and personalized it! Still debating changing the color (ala spray paint) but not sure.
This is the simplest DIY ever. Unscrew chair bottom, staple fabric (over the existing padding) and re-screw on.
Just make sure it is screwed on right side up! Only I would mess up such a simple DIY.
Oh yeah, got myself the I heart Jerks t-shirt just in time to quit Crossfit. But see those jeans I'm wearing?! $9.99. May have come from the same big box store as the pull-up bar. I hate to shop there, but now that I am a poor graduate student I see the allure. Oh and those cute shoosies?!
Newest addition to the sparkle addiction. Under $10 too. Gotta love it.
So I took the weekend to have fun.
Friday night started with an open water swim.
And was followed by fun getting my shuffle on with these crazy people in St. Pete.
How was I so lucky to have found a group that fits my interests and personality so well?
<3 Running for Brews <3
Saturday I chilled. Until I decided it was time to finally bike to (rather than drive my bike) Flatwoods. Had a great, challenging ride. Then almost got hit by a car. Resulting in me falling for the first time. All clipped in and everything. Ouch. I'd show you pictures of the bruises but they aren't exactly in the most appropriate place to photograph.
A few of us were volunteering at TriRock the next morning and a few racing, so five of us shared a hotel room the night before in Clearwater. This is a silly group. And just happens to be the same group that will be venturing to Puerto Rico in March. If this weekend was any indication, we are going to have a lot of stories to bring back with us!
Not a bad view. I guess I can stand here for a few hours passing out "sport drink." The electrolyte sponsor was an unfamiliar brand and no one would take it unless we called it Gatorade. But we didn't want to get in trouble so we had to call it "sport drink" or electrolytes. The power of branding.
My lovely volunteer friends.
TriBulls enjoying the "4th Event" courtesy of RedHook!
This little pooch had too much fun during the 4th event!
So I'm not giving up. There will be more tears, more doubt and more frustration. But I have these goals and aspirations for a reason.
I get closer everyday.
I refuse to decide to be permanently defeated. Another day will come, another chance to improve and another opportunity to succeed.
And if that doesn't work, I always have this little guy to cheer me up!
Cutest lil USB ever.